I had another meltdown at the gym this week … I think I have officially turned into a basket case!
Well, that’s how I feel today, anyway.
I was informed this morning that my “attitude” at the gym kinda sucks – as in, I don’t appear to be enjoying it any more.
A few weeks ago, I said the four words I never wanted to say at the gym “I can’t do this” (read about that “meltdown” here) - and ever since then – going to the gym just hasn’t been the same.
That week my body really highlighted to me via an injury in my foot/calf (fasciitis) that perhaps I’ve pushed things a little bit too far. The week before that I trained every day of the week – and I was jogging on the treadmill – something I have never done before. Bur – I guess I really did put the cart before the horse and my body is now forcing me to slow down.
That means no treadmill, at all, and limited cardio work. The cross trainer and bike is all I can do without risking making the fasciitis worse. So, we’ve been working on my upper body – doing weights and building core muscles.
But, what I really want to do it run (read about the time I started running here).
Patience has never been in my vocabulary. I see what I want and I do what I need to get it. In all honesty – I was shattered that day I gave up and said I couldn’t continue – and I just haven’t gotten over it. I was worried my trainer was disappointed in me – I was disappointed in myself. I didn’t want to be the fat girl who gave up at the gym – and that’s where I felt I was at.
But, that mantra is not going to stack up- and today I realised how much it’s getting to me. I’m on a deadline, God dammit! And, stepping on the scales this week highlighted that the lack of cardio is having an effect on my weight loss. I put on 300grams. Yes, a drop in the ocean really – and I did have a big weekend with a few too many alcoholic beverages – but normally, I would have been able to work it off at the gym.
I am doing all I can to get my leg/foot fixed. I have been going to an amazing osteopath and he’s been kneading away at the issue – and teaching me how I can do the same through self-massage and different stretching exercises.
But, at the end of the day, everyone from my trainer to my osteopath is doing all they can do. I am still working hard at the gym – I haven’t given up – but I have to accept that this is where I’m at right now. My body is telling me what to do – as in slow down and allow it to mend and catch up to the effort – and I have to listen to it.
Today I realised, with a little help, that I just have to stop beating up on myself about “giving up” – and realise that it’s ok. I have done very well, I should be proud of everything I have achieved. I’ve lost 15 kilos! That’s a lot of weight, even though I still have a way to go. And, I have also realised that this isn’t a race to the finish line. This is a life-long journey that I have to embrace and realise that there will be peaks and troughs along the way. Obstacles to be overcome – and achievements to be proud of.
Today has been a day of tears, of heartache and disappointment. When your body is fighting you at every move – it can really do your head in. So, it’s time to regroup and find comfort tonight in the arms of my fiancée and a few good movies. Next week is a brand new week. In the words of my osteopath - i just have to get zen about the situation – and so, I will
Have a lovely weekend everyone. Happy Friday!