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OMG – I’m freaking out!!

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I’m panicking big time right about now because I have just made one of the biggest decisions I have made yet on this weight loss journey.

When you hear what it is, I fear you will shake your head with dismay and say “that’s it, she’s lost it now. This decision is bad, bad, bad!! This girl is going to stack on the weight she has done so well to lose!”

Well, if you weren’t thinking all of that – I know I am! So, what is this decision I have made that has me shaking to my core? Well …

I have decided to give up personal training.

Why? I hear you ask. Well, there are lots of reasons – some people may even call them excuses. I have hurt my back quite badly. I have an ongoing injury – sometimes it’s fine – other times it’s not – and lately it’s been playing up. But on Sunday, it got a whole lot worse. I leant over to pick my mobile phone up off the floor in the car – and suddenly this burning sensation ripped through my left shoulder and neck. Wow it hurt! I rubbed it and massaged it, but have been in terrible pain ever since. I have been to an osteopath and it looks like it’s going to take some time to heal.

Secondly, the budget just isn’t allowing for it anymore. Personal training is hugely expensive and with our wedding officially four months away – we need to knuckle down.

Thirdly, and I suppose this could be construed as an opportunity, rather than an excuse – but ever since I started training in November last year, I have had the fear that I will only be able to keep exercising and losing weight if I have someone there to hold my hand. I am terrified that the moment I change my routine, and that I don’t have someone standing next to me on the treadmill to encourage me – that I am going to lose it.

I need to prove to myself that it isn’t the case. That I can do this by myself, that I am strong enough and that I have changed enough to be my own motivator. I can’t expect to rely on someone else to tell me what to do and when to do it. I feel like I have achieved this with my eating. I started with Weight Watchers – learnt more than the obvious about what foods are good, and which ones need to feature a bit less in my diet. Portion control has been the vital key. However, I took that knowledge in my stride and while I’m not perfect all the time and I have to regularly review what I am doing – I have learnt what works for me without having to track every point or weigh every piece of meat. It’s become a part of my life, a part of what I do.

But the exercise thing – I’m so not there yet! Yes, I am fitter, more toned, stronger, feel sooooo much better than I ever have before.

But the question is – can I go it alone? I guess we are about to find out!

This is a sad day for me because I have really loved working with my trainer. I truly believe I couldn’t have achieved what I have without him there to tell me what to do, to encourage me. He’s been a mentor and I kind of feel like I have lost a friend. He said he will be there when I’m ready to come back – and when the finances improve – I would love to.

But, for now – it’s time to make a new plan – it’s time to get my act together and take better ownership of my fitness. How am I going to do that?

Well, once my back is on the mend, I am going to swim twice a week. Every other day – my runners and I are hitting the pavement! It might be in the morning, it might be during my lunch break – as the days get longer, it might be in the evening. But, I am going to walk this fat away from my body – and wherever possible – I’m going to RUN!

Do you think I’m totally off my rocker? I have no idea if I have made the right decision. I guess we’ll find out!



10 comments on “OMG – I’m freaking out!!
  1. No not off your rockers. At some point you have to do it yourself. Have you considered pilates, great for strengthening and it sounds like your poor back needs a bit of tlc. I think you have so many wonderful people to hold your hand and be there if not in body definitely barracking for you I know that I am. You can do it! You have already proven that with how far you have come KEEP GOING you are doing an amazing job.

    • Thanks so much Deborah – I really needed to hear that!! I do have wonderful people all around me and for that I am ever so grateful! Tomorrow I am walking to work – so that’s a start! Xo

  2. You are not crazy at all – you are smart to consider all the variables. I’m sorry your back is bothering you. I too struggle with a weak back and it makes me cautious when strength training. You can do this! And you aren’t alone – you have all this great Internet support and support from your friends and family.

    • Hearing those words from you Diane, means a great deal. It gives me great confidence that I can make it. I can do it and I think it is important for me to remember that I’m not alone at all. I have done strength training on my back – but it’s just too sore and aggravated right now. I’ll get through this and keep on going!! 🙂

  3. I lost 100 pounds all on my own. I never saw a personal trainer until AFTER I lost the weight! It’s doable, if you have the willpower and the drive to lose the weight and stay on track, you don’t need a trainer. My suggestion: plan each week’s workouts and put it on the calender. Stick to it! 🙂

    • Thanks Lisa – great name by the way – and wonderful blog too! Your achievements are very inspiring and I can’t wait to read more of your work! I think you are right about drive and willpower – but as a friend of mine said yesterday – my trainer never held a gun to my head and forced me out of bed at 6am to get to the gym. I did all that myself. It’s been a great learning tool, that’s for sure – but I am much more confident to exercise now and know what I’m doing.
      The calendar idea is genius! I’m the kind of person where if I don’t schedule things – then things don’t happen. Each week I will plan my exercise, and then make it happen. Perfect!
      Thanks Lisa 🙂

  4. Carrie on said:

    Not crazy at all Lisa – especially considering the cost of personal trainers.
    But when you become an internationally famous writer and millionaire as a result of this brilliant blog you will have no excuse of course!
    You’ve inspired me to set a challenge of my own… everyday for the next week I am going to walk for 30 minutes. As someone who never exercises this will be a challenge but it’s a small achievable goal to get me started.
    Also, this weekend I’m going to make your Indian Dal and I’ll let you know how that goes.
    Rest your back and keep the faith.

    • Carrie – what an absolutely awesome goal! Small, achieveable and fantastic! I always aim to exercise four times a week – anything in addition to that is just a bonus! We’ll have to catch up for a stroll along the river sometime – it’d be great to have a buddy to exercise with! Let me know if you’d like to 🙂

      Thanks for the lovely words – I’m not sure about fame and fortune – but a book deal would be just delightful! 😉
      But in all seriousness, if sharing what I’m doing helps someone to make one move towards a goal they have set for themselves – then that’s the most awesomely cool thing ever!

      Love to know how you go with the dahl. It’s actually been ages since I’ve made it – I must do it again!
      Chat soon and good luck with your goal. I know you’ll do it!
      Lisa Mary

  5. NOT totally off your rocker. It sounds like you’ve been able to take away the lessons learned in WW and have done fine.

    I’m trying to do something similar as in changing my lifestyle (what and how much I eat and exercise but without tracking every bite or a personal trainer) and it is fantastic to read the blog of someone doing something similar. I look forward to reading back over some of your journey for inspiration.
    You can do it!

    • Hi Michelle
      Thanks for the words of encouragement. I popped over to your blog and like you, find a lot of comfort in finding someone going it alone without some sort of tool to help along the way. I think we all have to learn to support ourselves and be strong, without all the tools that make our lives easier and stop us taking ownership of our journey. I guess that’s the key – it’s not just a journey, this is our lives and we are going to remained focused on our health and our lifestyle for the rest of our lives. I look forward to reading more from you also. It’s nice to know we aren’t alone!

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